oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
