The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
