high people should be assigned attendants
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
