thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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