I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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