I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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