i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
