last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
