I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
