He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
