what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
