And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
