I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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