now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
