Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
