i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
