I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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