Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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