So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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