I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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