I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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