When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
