Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
