dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
