why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
