He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
