so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
