Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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