I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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