there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
