Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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