I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
