I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
