I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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