I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
