I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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