I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
