When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
