69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
