Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Randomize
