There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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