He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
