I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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