Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
