I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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