I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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