Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
