I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
