you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
