your thong is hanging out like whoa
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
