you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
